Show me who you run with and I’ll show you who you are…
The last few years have afforded me the opportunity to cull the herd.
It sounds harsh. Maybe it is.
I started with my sister. I had tried to help her for years, tried to be tolerant, tried to understand. Then she made the mistake of hurting my children. Blatantly. Game over. My only regret is that it puts more strain on my father maybe. Maybe it would just build the drama fire higher. Hard to say. Either way, I’m not playing anymore. We are all adults, able to accept our own circumstances and do the work to deal with it. No one can do that for you. Some people ask if it bothers me. I’m not angry anymore. I rarely even think about her. There was never a warm and fuzzy bond to break quite frankly.
Then we moved to another state.
I left working in the ER behind with all of it’s dysfunctional personalities. I stay in touch with a select few. The ones that are loyal and don’t do drama are the ones that I hold up, encourage, and talk to. There aren’t very many.
*The friend that I confronted about her drinking.
She stated she had no intention of giving up her wine. No groups for her or counselors either. She would think about cutting down. I guess that meant keeping just a gallon of wine in the house. The conversations with her had been about how busy she was for over two years. We somehow lost those meaningful ones about art, books, and spirit. I guess a gallon of wine does that to you.
*The drama Queens
I used to be able to overlook the drama. Then it somehow took root and it was like living in a soap opera. Sad that they made their own circumstances that sucked. Even sadder that of course they blamed it on everyone else. As I get older I tolerate drama even less than the year before. It’s not that I don’t love you girls. It’s just that I can’t take the freakin’ chaos that’s self-induced.
*The needy coworker
I felt sorry for you at first. Now I see that you are a self-proclaimed victim and you plan to make that your full time profession. I tried to help you see things differently. Trouble is that being the victim gets you too much attention. Maybe your mother never picked you up as a child. I can’t fix that.
* The former flame
I thought I could be friends with you in a totally platonic sense. I say this because whatever it was that put stars in my eyes when we met was just dust. You aren’t the man I thought you were. Actually, you aren’t even a good friend to me. I’ve caught you in lies and you were dumb enough to think that I would cheat with you. GAG. Obviously, you don’t really know me and I am happy not to know you anymore.
The ones that made the cull.
Somehow no matter how much I mess up they still love me. Maybe it’s because I am at least smart enough to recognize my mistakes and genuinely apologize once and move on. I would never abandon a child. Ever.
He keeps me. We’ve worked hard at our relationship. Sometimes we are selfish or not mindful. Sometimes we don’t have enough time to do and say all the things we want to. Somehow it all works and we love.
*The college roommate
She’s crazy. There are days when she makes her own drama but there are many days when she listens to me, encourages me, and somehow tolerates my bitching and whining enough to remind me to pull up my boot straps.
I don’t know what I would do without her. We found each other on Facebook after many years of being lost. Now we do business together. We haven’t actually seen each other since 1989.
I’ve got this nurse friend that still comes to see me. She posts pictures of her travels and is still the same old authentic person I met years ago on the run in the ER. I love that she is not afraid to live.
I’ll be 50 next year. I don’t have much time left on this earth. I have to make every one count that I can.